Separation Anxiety?

I think that's what we are going through. All of a sudden Bubba won't
stay asleep at night, and worse, cries and cries and won't be consoled,
sometimes every hour or forty-five minutes. We tried dosing him with
Tylenol, thinking it might be teeth, but it made no difference. One
night he started speaking a different "language" than during the day,
we thought he was about to say some words beyond "ma, ma".

He
doesn't seem to know what he wants. Everything wakes him up. I hold him
on my chest and he goes to sleep then gets restless and rolls to the
bed and starts to scream. He just can't be consoled. My husband rolls
over, and he screams. This has been escalating for at least a week. I
am destroyed. It's like reliving the dark months over again, and I
thought we were past it.

He won't stay down for his nap either,
all I have to do is shift, not even get up, and he starts screaming. I
can't pat or rub him back to sleep. Lying right next to him is just not
good enough. He wouldn't let my mother hold him for a nap on Monday.
Last night he would only be comforted by me, not his dad, which is
unusual. He's normal around strangers, still likes them to talk to him
and hold him. But, I swear, it feels like he is trying to crawl back in
the womb.

I hope this quits soon, I so want to enjoy his first
birthday next week. I am not a perfect mother, I could have handled
this better. I should have realized there was too much new stuff going
on. Instead I got mad that just when I was able to carve out some time
for myself after he went to bed and at meager nap times, it was taken
from me. It was so bad the other night my husband told me just to be
nice toBubba . He was right, but it is so hard to have a cling-on 24/7
on no sleep. I just get so mad when he cries when I'm holding him. I
just feel so helpless because I'm doing all I can and he cries and
cries. I know everyone needs to cry a bit, but it just goes on and on.

And
now I'm reminded of all the other things I should have handled better,
things that I thought I had made peace with. Deep down I know I am a
good mother, doing the best I can, but I could have been more gentle,
understanding. Please let this phase end.

Leaps & Bounds

Bubba will be a year old in two weeks, and so much has been happening recently:

• He is truly walking. He will leave the room and go exploring
• Oddly, he started cross-crawling. He had only been combat crawling, and even then, reluctantly
• He will rustle around next to me after story time and go to sleep
• He is waving good-bye now
• He is also waving at the streetcar, even when he can only hear it, not see it
• He will offer his food and drinks to people. Mmm mm good backwash
  
• He gets that the giraffe at the zoo, his giraffe puppet, and the giraffe in the book are all related
• He is nursing less at night
• He is fascinated with the toilet
  

Wow, so much great stuff happening all at once. The most memorable moment was when I left him to play on the bedroom floor while I went to the kitchen for a swig of luke-warm coffee. As I stepped into the kitchen I turned around and there he was.

Also memorable was turning around while I was brushing my teeth to see that he had lifted the lid of the toilet and was swishing his hand around in the bowl.

Here's another example of his genius. Today I bought him an owl finger puppet at the park. He was falling asleep in the stroller and he beamed and hugged it (awww). He held it for most of the nap. We got home and played with it a bit. I said "hoot-hoot" and such. A few minutes ago I gave him a plastic bowl in the kitchen and asked him to put the owl in it. He walked right out the living room carrying the bowl, I said "hoot-hoot" and he dropped down to the puppet. I said "put it in" and he did. Genius I tell you.

I guess this is what everyone kept telling me about, how it was going to get fun.